Okay ladies, it is time to get advice from you other mommies. I will just say that my children's "lack of listening" and "crazy energy" is driving me bonkers. I keep telling myself that if I have love be the motivating factor for all my actions, then Tyler will understand why I ask him to do things or stop doing things. It doesn't seem to be working. I honestly feel like a mom you see on Super Nanny. GASP! I used to watch that show and wonder how a mom could be so lazy, loud, mean, etc. I have become my own worst nightmare! I try asking nicely, but after the seventh time of being ignored it gets old. Even Hannah has joined forces with Tyler. Time-outs mean nothing to her.
Let me give you just one scenario. Today at the grocery store Tyler wanted to climb on the cart, the part where you push. I told him that it wasn't safe and not to. I turn around to put two peaches into the bag. Next thing I know, he has pulled the cart, with Hannah buckled in it, on top of him. He is sitting there screaming, as is Hannah, with the cart crushing his legs. I pick him up, and try to calm both of my children. I am not exaggerating when I say that EVERY person in the produce department was staring at me.
Want to know the worst part? All I could think to say while I was hugging Tyler was "I told you so!" Instead I managed to say "This is why I need you to listen, so you can be safe." That is my main concern to make sure both of my kids are happy and healthy. I would like to say this is the end of the grocery shopping mess, but it wasn't. Let's just say he threw things out of the cart and smashed the bread. Deep breaths on my part!
I love my kids more than anything, which is why I want to make sure I am being the best mom I can be for them. I know I have to set the tone for them, but I can only handle so much disobedience. I've mostly done Love & Logic principles, but obviously not much success. So I would love to hear what has worked for you...otherwise you might just see me on Super Nanny.
10 comments:
Erin, I think something is in the air because my 2 and 4 year olds are driving me crazy also. Seriously just a few minutes ago I had to wipe away tears of frustration myself. And as we speak my 2 year old is about to come through the ceiling as he kicks the floor and throws a fit. I wish I could offer you some magical advice but instead I think I'm going to put ear plugs in, lock myself in my room and have a good long cry.
Oh my goodness, I am so so sorry about the grocery store incident! I'm considering just doing my shopping at night while the kids are sleeping.
However, I find it comical that you think you could end up on Super Nanny--I think you are an amazing mom and look up to you so much. Please post if you find advice that works!
Erin- I'm sorry I have no fabulous advice for you, but I think you are a wonderful mother! I learned a lot from watching you with your kids! And just this morning I was telling my mom how much I loved the gift you brought to my baby shower and how thoughtful it was, obviously from another mother who knows what she's doing!
How much is Steve involved in the discipline at your house? I know for a fact I cannot do it alone.
I take things from my children that mean something to them. Usually it's outings to Aunt Kristie's house, or if they asked ot stay up late and watch a movie, I remove that priviledge. It's hard though, because I want them to understand that it's their bahavior that's unacceptable, not them. I try to tell them that we aren't entitled to priviledges, we earn them.
I know you know all this. Tyler ignores you 7 times because he knows he can get away with not listening 7 times. One time. Ask one time. Then immediate consequence. Whether it's in his room, or helping you mop the kitchen floor. Also, something I had to admit awhile ago was that my kids ask me stuff 5 or 6 times before I respond or get what they need. My kids were modeling my behavior. My sister-in-law KRistie gives her kids a quarter when she sees good behavior. Then they have to return quarters when all hell breaks loose. HEr kids are a bit older, so that may not be too feasible for you right now. I think the most frustrating thing is that their behavior feels so disrespectful towards you. It's all about creating boundaries for them. And it sucks sometimes.
Love you!
Andra said the best thing- ONLY ASK ONCE. Set the limit once. If they don't do it, then you HELP them do it, or they get an immediate consequence. Kids don't have to be yelling and screaming in "time out" for them to be understanding the consequence. Sometimes all you need to do is remove them from the situation (this helps the both of you!). Things with the grocery cart happen. You can't control that all the time, but guess what? I bet he learned his lesson! You are a great Mommy and are so loving and logical :). Have you taken a early childhood course? Or just read the books? Because the course is worth A BILLION DOLLARS. Seriously. Will is the best listener- and I owe it all to Love and Logic and me being consistent. Consistency is key!
Okay, if the SuperNanny comes to your house I don't want to know who will show up on my doorstep, probably not Mary Poppins. Ryker's favorite phrase right now is "You are driving me crazy!" and guess where he learned it. I have no great advice but I will share something that my mom told me that seems to help. I try to give my kiddos one on one time in the morning. When I do that with each of the older two they usually act better during the day. It is like they know I love them individually and that they are just as important as the other three. Has it made for perfect children, of course not!
I struggle so much with the obedience issue right now. "Listen and obey!" often escapes my lips, but I have to remind myself something I heard once. Our agency/ability to choose is one our Father in Heaven greatest gifts, so much so that He lost a third of his children to give it to us. So that is what I tell the kids, "You can choose to do (or not do depending), or choose the consequence." it is working...this week.
But most importantly I pray every night that I can be as kind and loving to them like He is to me. And sometimes I actually remember.
And sorry that this the longest most incoherent comment ever, and I honestly have no idea why I am saying all this stuff since you are a far superior mother than I am. Just know I think you are amazing and your children are so blessed to have you!
Oh Erin. I am sure most (all) moms have days (weeks) like this. It takes courage to write about it, looking for help. That shows that you do really care and love your kids and what to be the very best you can be for them. I am short on advice, but hope you do post what works for you. I will bookmark and come back to it in two years. :)
Welcome to young motherhood. Honestly, the stage you are going through with your kids is one of the hardest. I don't deal with toppled grocery carts or smashed bread these days; thankfully, that is over! However, now I have half-grown kids who talk back, kids I can't control physically or otherwise because they have strong minds of their own, long, drawn-out arguments that I can't always win, sibling fighting that I don't even want to get involved in because they should be old enough to work it out, and, last but not least, kids that STILL don't listen. That being said, in some ways it is easier, because I also see them making good choices, listening to reason, being voluntarily helpful, and understanding that there are consequences to their decisions.
Advice? I don't really have any, except to remember that "this, too, shall pass." The key for me has been finding out what motivates my kids. For Ben, I can use Xbox as leverage -- it works every time. Rebecca will do anything to keep all of her stuffed animals.
Bottom line: GOOD LUCK! We've all been there! xoxo
Erin, I have absolutely no advice, since my hair is now gray from spending the last three days trying to keep Caleb from throwing himself in the campfire or drowning himself in the river (we were camping. Sorry, I guess that was kind of obvious). Anyway, he is smack in the middle of the will-not-listen-to-a-thing-I-say phase, and I'm about to go crazy. I told Jared that either Caleb was going to kill himself or I was. Anyway. All I know is this: you are a wonderful person and a sweet mother and Tyler and Hannah are going to turn out wonderfully. Keep it up.
I just beat my kids! Oh and I love Duct tape and tabasco sauce! j/k
I am a firm believer in discipline. They will NEVER learn unless we GUIDE them in the right direction. My girls get 3 warnings and if it gets that far it's a time out. After that if they do it again it's I get their FAVORITE toy for the day. Staying on top of it, is a HUGE one. If they have friends over or have just been somewhere fun I know they aren't going to listen that well and I will be a little lax.
If they know we will give in then it is all over. Kids are smart, smarter than us at times so be strong even if you get the puppy eyes. I have to admit that I have spanked before when it was going to put them or their siblings in danger and they just aren't listening. To me it had to be done to "scare" them into, walking with ME in the parking lot or not going near the counter near the knives or hot stove. Every child is different so time outs may work for one and not the other. It's hard but I think you're a great mom and will totally figure it out! p.s. I have notice my girls get "crazy" when we are inside too much and I am occupied with the house duties. I took a huge timeout one day (this week actually) and just played and read to them all day and it was the best "break" for all of us.
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